As the deer pants for streams of water...

"As the deer pants for streams of water, 

so my soul pants for you, O God. 

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. 

When can I go and meet with God?"

Psalm 42:1-2

I see glimmers of this in my life, but I want this kind of passion to consume my life.

I feel like I'm beginning to connect with God on a regular basis for the first time. And this kind of actually connecting with God is what is fueling my passion to want this, but I know I am still lacking so much. There is still so many other things that take precedence over God in my life. I want God to purge my life of these things. There is still a belief in me that these things (idols, really) are better somehow than God. I know in my head that's not true, but my heart still hasn't made the complete switch. I'm just thankful that my Father is so patient with me. Father, please use your Holy Spirit to consume me with passion for You.

7 is 4

Dove recently blogged and this is what she wrote "7 is 4." Which is probably confusing to most people so let me translate. Dove's brother Seven just turned four years old. Poor boy is going to have a hell of a time when he turns seven years old. But he'll be old enough then to explain to people the difference between Seven and 7.

Speaking of my son Seven. He's a pretty funny kid and I just realized I need to start remembering the funny things my kids say every day and write them down. So the other day I had the three older kids in the back of the van, which I don't do that often because they are so close in proximity that they're bound to cause trouble with one another. Anyways, when we were getting in the car I told Seven that he'd better keep his hands in his lap. I also told him to buckle up. He said, " But you told me to keep my hand in my lap!" Oh right, I did, well buckle up first and then keep your hands in your lap. Seriously, Seven you pick the worse times to listen!

Real apple juice

Ben's family owns an apple press. We try to go to Yakima every year and squeeze some apples for awesome apple cider. And then take about 10 gallons home with us.

Yakima Fair

Yeah, we like to fair it up.

Puyallup Fair

Healing

I guess everyone has stuff in their past that needs healing. Some things are harder to heal from than others. One thing God is teaching me is it takes time and effort to heal. It's not for the faint-of-heart. And I also don't know how people are healed without God to help with the process. I felt like God was telling me this past week that I need to take an additional step towards healing from my past. Counseling. As with painful things in the past the thing we want to do is just bury it and pretend everything is all better. It's hard to bring everything back up but I'm finding out that I probably need to do a more thorough job of this to heal more completely. I know it doesn't mean I won't ever deal with my past again, but I think its needed for more complete healing. I feel like God has healed a ton in me but I know he also wants me to use other people to help further this process. So I sent this email to a friend who I knew was a counselor so we'll see where it goes:

I don't really know how to go about this so here goes nothing. I was sharing some stuff with Ben about a hard day I had last week where some stuff from my past was revisiting me yet again. This is stuff that I feel very much healed from by God but at the same time I get this feeling that I need something more...like maybe counseling. I really hesitate to do this because I have dealt with this crap for so long that I don't want to have to more, but as I'm sure you know with these things you have to deal with everything before you can expect to start dealing with it less. I thought I dealt with all of it, but it seems I didn't. And maybe I need a professional to help me with the rest of it. That's where you come in. When I was sharing this with Ben both of us thought of you. We both trust you and feel like you would be able to help. Now, of course I understand if you have rules in this and can't know your client in other areas of life. I would probably prefer you, but I understand if you need to refer me to someone else. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Please let me know what you think my next step should be.


So, my past baggage? It was an inappropriate relationship with my Jr. High youthpastor that lasted from age 12-16. Nothing extreme, but enough to mess me up in ways I don't even know how to articulate. I think I'm more and more realizing that in order to be all God wants me to be I need to face this and take care of it. And part of that means coming to grips with how much this affected me.

Living in community and in a body

Our friends Rainbow and Jeff have been living with us since the end of June. It's been crazy but also fantastic. There is just something that living with another couple brings into your life than if you're living solo. It of course helps that Rainbow and I are such good friends. Apparently, according to Meyer's Briggs she is my pedagogue. I should've married her :) God sure does have a sense of humor. Ben and I are so completely opposite. In some ways I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm sure we challenge each other like no other. But sometimes the differences can be rather painful.

Living in a body rocks! I had no idea what I was missing these last 27 years. I see so clearly how God intended for us to live interdependently with one another. VERY contrary to what our American culture teaches us to be, which is VERY individualistic. I find it challenging to fight against what comes natural to me in growing up in our culture. God has taken us on a journey that we're still on. I see him directing us every step of the way. HE is placing the body parts together. It's so amazing to see this and be apart of it. It is crazy to actually be able to relate to these verses in the Bible that talk about living in a body: 1 Corinthians 12 and 14. Right now our body consists of 4 couples but I have faith that God will only add to that number whoever He wants and in His timing and in His way. These 4 couples came together completely from God. I don't see how it could've happened any other way.

Some pics of Dove and Memory, Rainbow and Jeff and their girls, Lavinia and Sunshine: