Changes

This should be a theme from the last 2 years really. But the biggest change that's happening recently is Rainbow and Jeff moving out. They've lived with us for about 9 months. And they feel like God is directing them to get their own place. This change brings many conflicted feelings. I feel relieved yet overwhelmed. I feel excited yet sad. It has been such a blessing to have them live with us. The four of us are not the same people we were when they moved in. We have all grown a ton. I think it's awesome that we are closer friends now than before they moved in. That right there is a testimony of God's grace.
Rainbow did almost all of the homeschooling so now I'm going to shoulder that responsibility. This is where most of my overwhelmed feelings take place. I have a low confidence in my ability to teach my kids. But I know that this is a great opportunity to have to completely rely on the Holy Spirit. Cause I know I won't be able to do it on my own. Rainbow has such a gift for teaching kids so I know I have some big shoes to fill. But Ben reminded me that I'm their mother first. And that's the most important thing to them. It's still awesome to have Rainbow as a resource whenever I need her. Her and I are meeting daily to help set me up with the right curriculum for me and the girls. Plus she did all my cooking and laundry. (I know I was spoiled, but to my credit I did all the cleaning) Now that's going to take some adjusting!
I don't really feel like I was a very good friend to Rainbow while she was living with us. I'm hoping living apart will help me to be more intentional about our friendship. I think I had a hard time being honest with her. I definitely see this as more my issue than hers. I have a hard time being honest with people that I know have strong opinions and have a tendency to control. So not having the open communication created a lot of strain on our relationship. But I feel like things are definitely getting better. And as both her and I mature and become healthier people I see that happening all the more. At least they're not moving very far (within walking distance) and they will still be apart of our body church so I'll see them every week. But it'll be weird not living life together side by side. Do I even remember what my life looked like before they moved in? What does that verse say: as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another? I definitely felt like that was happening, even in our immaturity. Her and I are so different. I felt like I was able to learn a lot from her. Thank you Rainbow. You will be missed. (Sounds like you died or something;)