God's will is better than my will

The other day I had a revelation. I want my will to be in-tune with what God's will is. I found myself dissatisfied with some things in my life. And then I stopped to think: well if this is what God wants than why am I dissatisfied? First of all He loves me and wants the best for me. Second of all He is faithful to give me His best. So why am I not trusting Him?

We are trying to conceive a 5th child. For a long time now I've pictured our family with 5 kids. About a year ago I found out I was pregnant. And during that first week God spoke to me. He said "in My time." I knew He was talking about us having another child. This comforted me at the time. Whenever I hear God's voice I'm comforted. But I didn't think too much about it at the time. A couple days later I miscarried. We've been trying since December and it's been really hard each month that goes by and I'm not pregnant. And I knew that this was testing my faith. But the other day I realized that I need to stop having my own agenda on things. I realized I finally wanted what God wanted. And if that means another child then awesome. If it doesn't then awesome. Because He is good and He is trustworthy. He loves me and wants what's best for me. I am starting to believe this. I don't need to be depressed or dissatisfied any longer.

I am a daughter in His kingdom. I want to start acting like it. I want to desire what He desires for His kingdom.

"In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." Matthew 5:48 The Message

"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are-no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought." Matthew 5:5 The Message