So you may ask why am I seeing this now? Both Ben and I (more Ben than me) have been aggressively seeking help for our issues-addictions-idols. I'm realizing they're all the same thing. God made us to worship Him. And when that worship is misplaced through sin we naturally start worshipping something else. What do I worship? I think I worship the approval of men/women. I've always been a people-pleaser. But what I'm realizing now is that it's more than that. I've always wanted to please people because I want them to like me and see me in a good light. I believe this is linked to pride. I want people to see me as this awesome person. That's the long of the short of it. I want to point to myself instead of to Christ. So in a sense I'm worshipping myself. Wow, that's a lot of misplaced worship.
If you've read Ben's blog you would've picked up on that he's in SA (Sexaholics Anonymous).
He encouraged me to go to S-anon, which is the support group for spouses or loved ones of someone who is a sexaholic. Man, talk about crazy. I didn't want to go to these meetings. I thought it would be a lot easier to just go to a counselor (which I probably will still do at some point). But attending this meeting once a week has really been revolutionary for me. I just listen to story after story of people just like me. You mean I'm not unique in my problems? Nope. Not even close. Of course there are some differences, but at the root of it these people are worshiping the approval of others and themselves. Just like me.
So where does this leave me now? My previous post was about how I've been desiring God more and more. Well all this crap in my life only makes me want to seek an intimate relationship with God all the more. I don't want it apart of me anymore. I know it'll take time, but I believe God is doing something in me and healing me and making me whole. All for the purpose of getting back to true worship. Worshiping the one who created me. Who died for me so that I can be made whole. This is my hope. This is what I live for. To be continued...
"There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears." Philippians 1:6 The Message
"But there's far more to life for us. We're are citizens of high heaven! We're waiting the arrival of the Savior, the Master, Jesus Christ, who will transform our earthly bodies into glorious bodies like his own. He'll make us beautiful and whole with the same powerful skill by which he is putting everything as it should be, under and around him." Philippians 3:20-21 The Message
7 comments:
it is so good to hear how God is working in your life...it looks like He has been leading you up to all of this for awhile! He is so good and faithful!
that's really cool. i'm excited to see you go through these changes and for us to go through these as a couple.
the problem i have with blogs (and yes, i do appreciate them in the end) is that they allow people to appear vulnerable and "raw" in the most unintimate of settings . . . now to counter this, I can sit here on my high horse and say that from the protection of my home (well, John Herman's home) in Kentucky without any fear of backlash because i can ignore any return comment you make (that is of course until you get to KY!!!)
in all seriousness though, it's cool to hear you voice your struggle with us and, oddly enough, i really do want to know more about this struggle and see ways you continue to grow
This is awesome Kami! Raw rocks! I too, have been learning how much of my issues stem from pride. And the only lasting antedote is God. Keep seeking Him and keep sharing!
Rhett,
Yeah, the blog world is pretty weird, but I think it might be equally if not more weird to only share things that aren't raw i.e. fake. That's what I'm trying to fight against because its much easier for me to blog about the fake stuff. Everything is fine here, I don't have any problems! I'm looking forward to sharing more with you and Ang. Can't wait to see you guys!
hi kami, weird i actually needed to hear this today, thank you. i've struggled w/anger, and self worship (pride) as you mentioned I think all of do, just in different ways or we respond to similar things in different ways. anyway, thanks for being open and honest, it's refreshing...
God is the one who is able to wash and make new, we just have to recognize that we need his help, and ask him to, seems to simple sometimes or that my little weaknesses aren't worth his time, that's a lie, but something i know i struggle with.
again, thanks.
peace,
heather
kami....thanks for your comment on my blog. it led me here and i'm so glad it did. i really appreciate your transparency and the encouragement it is to me to DO something about my issues/addictions/idols.
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