How I got free from a cleaning addiction

About a month ago God began to free me from a cleaning addiction. I woke up one morning and saw things in the spiritual realm of what was happening to me. I was in slavery. And I had no idea. Someone was driving me and it wasn't God. Cleaning my house was an all-consuming thing for me. My house had to be a certain way or I couldn't rest. This addiction stole countless hours & limitless energy from me. I couldn't be present with my husband or my children. Or with people that came into our home. I was always thinking about the house and what I could/should be doing to clean it and bring it back to the state of cleanliness I thought it needed. Therefore cleanliness and orderliness became the highest priority and when a person got in the way of that things got ugly. The scariest thing about this was I was blinded to this. I knew something was off, but couldn't see it clearly. The thing about an addiction is it always wants all of you. I wasn't able to feed my addiction a little bit and then be able to fully be there with my family. That's not how addictions (idols) work. They want ALL of you. But they never tell you this upfront. That's why I'm so thankful that God in His great mercy gave me eyes to see what was really going on. The worst thing of all is my addiction separated me from God. I wasn't trusting God with my house and the state of it. I had to be in control. Once I gave control back to God in that area I felt like I was really trusting God. My addiction was blocking so many life-giving gifts God wanted to give me. Once I relinquished control in that area of my life I truly felt rest and peace and acceptance from my Father.

The other big thing that happened is once I gave this part of my life up to God it gave my husband, Ben, freedom to lead our family in this area. I realized I had made the cleaning department mine and only mine and didn't let Ben or the kids into this area. Once I gave it up Ben stepped up and took the lead in our family. This was great! And such a relief to me. Now I don't want to pretend that this all happened overnight, cause every day has been a struggle. Some days more than others. For example right now and for the last month we've had a very messy house! But God has given an abundant amount of grace. And I am changing more and more every day. And so is my family. So I decided for the time being that I'm not really cleaning right now. I want to give some space for the Lord to rewire my mind and heart in this area. So that someday I can clean and actually worship and honor the Lord in my cleaning. It can come from a pure heart and not one that is driven by the enemy and sin. I believe this is possible and am so excited for that to come to pass. What a joy it is to have a Father that cares to free us from the enemy and sin! This is His heart for us! I realize in describing that day/week that God set me free I didn't really give it justice. I've told many people that the best description I could give is that for years I was locked in a cellar and for the first time in a long time I was let out to enjoy the blue sky and the sunshine on my face. I could really live! I was no longer a prisoner! I could enjoy other people! And I could enjoy being in relationship with my Father!

The other crazy thing that came out of this was after I shared with the family about my revelation and God freeing me from this, Eden, my 10 year old daughter, came to me and shared that she was struggling with this same thing! I prayed with her and just had a sweet time with her sharing with her and told her we can get set free together. This is a letter I wrote to her not long after that conversation: "To my dear Eden, God, our Father has been so kind to us. He wants freedom for His children. He hates the slavery that He sees us in. He wants all of us. There isn't one part of us, however small that He is willing to give to the devil. You know what I heard Jesus speak over me recently? It was, 'You can't have her Satan, she's mine.' And I speak this over you, Eden, my daughter. God is a jealous God and He wants all of us. He's not satisfied with just a part of us. There was a big part of my heart that I wasn't giving to God until recently. I didn't even know I was withholding it! That's how deceitful our hearts can be! But that's okay because God is greater than our hearts! And He showed me what I couldn't see for myself. And He prepared my heart to get to the day when I said, 'enough is enough!' I am taking this territory of my heart back from Satan and giving it to my Father! It's rightfully His! But oh, how I wanted to give it to Him. Because our Father brings life whereas the devil will always bring death. Our slavery to the devil can take many forms, but mine was in cleaning my house. Isn't that funny? I think a lot of people would find that funny. But I don't, because it owned me. I know you get this because you shared with me that you have this to. I'm so sorry Eden that I passed this down to you. But you know what is so cool? We get to be freed from this together, as mother and daughter. And someday you may have a daughter and she will be born into freedom because of the work God did in her grandmother and mother's life. Now that's cool. And that is how our Father works."

If you're reading this and have questions or just want to talk about it I'm really free and open to talk. Addiction is something rarely talked about and talking about this kind of addiction is non-existent in my experience. Which is all the more reason I felt compelled to share my experience. Most people, myself included, thought cleaning is always a good thing. And it can be. But for me it was an addiction. An addiction can be anything we compulsively do that keeps us from freedom. Even good things. Now this can be scary for people to read because basically you can put anything in that category. Our hearts can take anything and make it an addiction. Recently, I told someone I don't see any difference between my cleaning addiction and someone who's addicted to alcohol on the spiritual level. Because the way God sees it an idol in our hearts is an idol in our hearts and he doesn't make distinctions if it's cleaning or alcohol or sex. It's keeping us from being in relationship with our Father and that's a problem. And that will destroy us. But I think this can be really confusing and it is probably why I didn't see this as an addiction for so long. But praise God He is greater than our hearts and can show us these things.