I guess everyone has stuff in their past that needs healing. Some things are harder to heal from than others. One thing God is teaching me is it takes time and effort to heal. It's not for the faint-of-heart. And I also don't know how people are healed without God to help with the process. I felt like God was telling me this past week that I need to take an additional step towards healing from my past. Counseling. As with painful things in the past the thing we want to do is just bury it and pretend everything is all better. It's hard to bring everything back up but I'm finding out that I probably need to do a more thorough job of this to heal more completely. I know it doesn't mean I won't ever deal with my past again, but I think its needed for more complete healing. I feel like God has healed a ton in me but I know he also wants me to use other people to help further this process. So I sent this email to a friend who I knew was a counselor so we'll see where it goes:
I don't really know how to go about this so here goes nothing. I was sharing some stuff with Ben about a hard day I had last week where some stuff from my past was revisiting me yet again. This is stuff that I feel very much healed from by God but at the same time I get this feeling that I need something more...like maybe counseling. I really hesitate to do this because I have dealt with this crap for so long that I don't want to have to more, but as I'm sure you know with these things you have to deal with everything before you can expect to start dealing with it less. I thought I dealt with all of it, but it seems I didn't. And maybe I need a professional to help me with the rest of it. That's where you come in. When I was sharing this with Ben both of us thought of you. We both trust you and feel like you would be able to help. Now, of course I understand if you have rules in this and can't know your client in other areas of life. I would probably prefer you, but I understand if you need to refer me to someone else. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Please let me know what you think my next step should be.
So, my past baggage? It was an inappropriate relationship with my Jr. High youthpastor that lasted from age 12-16. Nothing extreme, but enough to mess me up in ways I don't even know how to articulate. I think I'm more and more realizing that in order to be all God wants me to be I need to face this and take care of it. And part of that means coming to grips with how much this affected me.
6 comments:
I will be praying for you Kami! I think that is wonderful that you are working on this...so hard, but I think you will be a more amazing person for it!
I didn't realize how many people were affected by that youth pastor! I was good friends with him, but nothing more...I was devistated to hear what happened to his family. Broke my heart. And I am shocked to hear how many were negitivly affected by him...I had no idea. I actually got a chance to see his family this last spring (there is a picture of us on the blog...you will have to search for it) and it was so wonderful to hangout with them! I sure did miss them! Maybe getting in touch with his family would help if you haven't already done that!
What a blessing I am sure you are to many in just blogging about this as too many people are prideful about getting help and maybe this will help them to go to counseling.
You are amazing, Kami! Thanks for your honesty!
Thank you, Kami, for your humility and honesty. I am sorry that you were hurt along with so many others. With your trust in God, I know that He can use this to accomplish His amazing purposes in your life.
Oh man, Kami. I am so sorry. This type of thing makes me sick. I pray that you find an amazing counselor that leads you to a way to put all your baggage on God's shoulders. May He cleanse your spirit, renew your mind, and help you to find peace.
Thank you, everyone for your caring words. God is definitely faithful.
Hey Kami,
So sorry that you are still hurting over this. Makes me angry at that guy. I'll be praying for you and asking God to bring his healing. It's good to get it out. Love you very much.
Hi Kami, I just starting reading your blog today. I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles. I've been in counseling, off and on, for a few years now. I started going because we were struggling to conceive and I was pretty depressed about it, but discovered so much baggage/attitudes/world views, etc in the process that needed to be sorted out. I highly recommend counseling because it has helped me TREMENDOUSLY! I hope that you are able to work through this junk on your way to growing. Thanks for posting so honestly too! It is a breath of fresh air to me!
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