The other day I had a revelation. I want my will to be in-tune with what God's will is. I found myself dissatisfied with some things in my life. And then I stopped to think: well if this is what God wants than why am I dissatisfied? First of all He loves me and wants the best for me. Second of all He is faithful to give me His best. So why am I not trusting Him?
We are trying to conceive a 5th child. For a long time now I've pictured our family with 5 kids. About a year ago I found out I was pregnant. And during that first week God spoke to me. He said "in My time." I knew He was talking about us having another child. This comforted me at the time. Whenever I hear God's voice I'm comforted. But I didn't think too much about it at the time. A couple days later I miscarried. We've been trying since December and it's been really hard each month that goes by and I'm not pregnant. And I knew that this was testing my faith. But the other day I realized that I need to stop having my own agenda on things. I realized I finally wanted what God wanted. And if that means another child then awesome. If it doesn't then awesome. Because He is good and He is trustworthy. He loves me and wants what's best for me. I am starting to believe this. I don't need to be depressed or dissatisfied any longer.
I am a daughter in His kingdom. I want to start acting like it. I want to desire what He desires for His kingdom.
"In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." Matthew 5:48 The Message
"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are-no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought." Matthew 5:5 The Message
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5 comments:
Love this post also.
I think we would be good friends if we lived closer...atleast we can be good blogger friends! hehe!
I felt similar feelings with all that has been going on with my thyroid. I had always pictured 5 kiddos(maybe more!)...I don't know why, but then God brought to mind that trusting Him also meant with less kids just as much as it does with more kids.
It is so hard to trust. Right now I am having to trust Him with His timing in paying off debt (nearly 5 years...and it's still going to be awhile)and possibly one day having a larger home. More than 2 bedrooms would be nice...oh, and a backyard would be wonderful!!
But I keep finding Him reminding me that He is in control and he has good plans, far better than I could even imagine, OR work out on my own if I just tried to do it my way.
I will be praying for you. It sounds like it has been a hard year.
I hope you get to really enjoy your four blessings tomorrow!
much love to you,
tarena
I've really been enjoying reading your posts lately Kami and seeing more of your heart. I am very sad to hear you guys have been having a difficult time conceiving - I will be praying for you guys. Hope to see you sometime soon.
Tarena-Yeah, I think we have a lot in common. It's too bad we don't live closer. Ahh, well. I'm glad you can relate so much to what I'm going through. Trust. It's easy to trust God for the things that are not that hard to give Him. But the key is to give Him everything. Including the things we want most. He definitely is teaching me this lesson through my desire for more children.
Heather-thank you for your prayers. I know you know all too well what I'm going through. I'm so excited for your little girl to come!
hi kami... so i googled you (:
it was such an encouraging time to spend with you and rainbow the other day. thanks for sharing your time with us and praying for us.
i have enjoyed reading your blog here and can relate to much of what you are saying... thanks for being real. its always nice to find other people not afraid to say the hard things and admit our imperfections to the world.
gwen bodeutsch
Thanks for sharing your family and a bit of your life with us this past week. You kiddos are so very precious!
I will be praying for baby number 5 and God's good grace to shine upon you during this time of waiting.
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